How do you feel about being pressured to have children?

 Today is a bright and sunny day in Wenzhou, with a pleasant temperature. Last night, Valentine's Day, I posted several photos of Mr. Chen and me together on my WeChat Moments, along with a long caption and a poem I wrote with heartfelt emotion: "I wish the rest of my life could be with you." Today, I received several messages on WeChat from my aunt. She asked if I had gone to Changsha to see my doctor for a checkup, and said that we needed to hurry up about having a child, as a child is necessary to maintain a couple's relationship; there can't be a love that lasts a lifetime.

Frankly, my aunt's words reminded me of the New Year period when I visited Mr. Chen's family to meet his future mother-in-law and accompanied him to pay New Year's visits to his relatives. It also reminded me of my mother's insistence on not using contraception. The thought of both of us being pressured by our elders to have children makes me feel immense pressure. Now that I'm back in Wenzhou, Mr. Chen is unable to work because he hasn't found a partner, and I feel sorry for him, as neither of us is employed. At this moment, I have no desire to think about getting pregnant. After all, pregnancy is a difficult ten months for us women. I believe that not being prepared is irresponsible to both oneself and the child.

I don't know how many people in this world are pressured to have children these days, but I do know that fewer and fewer people want to get married; many prefer to be single. I used to enjoy being single and even considered remaining single forever. However, I couldn't resist my mother's insistence on blind dates, and through family arrangements, I met Mr. Chen. His gentleness, enthusiasm, and sense of responsibility melted my cold and lonely heart. They say the hardest thing in the world is owing someone a favor; once you owe someone, you can't renege. I owe so many favors in this life—to my parents, to my friends, and now to Mr. Chen.

Being with Mr. Chen has made me much happier than before. I can feel his sincerity, and I know I can't repay him in much longer. I know I love him so much that I can't bear to leave him. But looking at my current situation, having a child seems like the most difficult thing for me right now. Seeing the WeChat message from my aunt reminded me of the New Year period at home, which seemed to add to my psychological pressure. I wasn't very confident about having a child to begin with. The constant pressure from both sets of elders made me want to escape to a faraway place. Even though I'm afraid of childbirth, and even though I told my mother I didn't really want children, I still didn't get her understanding. The elders in my family seem to think that having children is a woman's inherent duty. My future mother-in-law and other elders in Mr. Chen's family even more strongly believe that we should hurry up and have children. Thinking about this, I couldn't help but sigh. Are women born into this world only to give birth? Is having children a necessity? Personally

, I believe that having children is just a choice, and even women don't necessarily have to have children. Perhaps the initial purpose of having children is to have someone to rely on in old age, to create a home of one's own. Now, both sets of elders are hoping I have a child as soon as possible, especially hoping I have a boy. I just want to say that the sex of the child is not something I can decide. I can't even take care of myself now, how can I have the energy to take care of a child? The adult world is not easy for anyone. Feeling irritable, I couldn't resist leaving Mr. Chen's dormitory after lunch today, hoping to get some sun and clear my head. I planned a casual stroll nearby, perhaps even looking for a job. However, to my surprise, when I visited two clothing stores on the street, one was looking for experienced sales clerks, while the other wasn't currently hiring sales assistants. This made me even more distressed. I hadn't found a job, and now I was facing pressure to have a child. Thinking back to last night when I was trying to persuade Mr. Chen to take it easy, now, looking at my own situation, I think I truly understand why he's been having insomnia these past few days. You can't understand that anxiety until you experience it yourself.

Are you facing pressure to have a child? How do you feel when pressured to do so? Being pressured to have a child makes me feel anxious and irritable. To be honest, I love Mr. Chen, and it's not that I don't want to have a child with him, but I'm really not ready right now. Being pressured by my elders to have a child is really distressing. Therefore, this afternoon I couldn't resist wearing a sun hat and going out for a walk to clear my head, hoping to listen to music and let the breeze carry away my worries. Furthermore, seeing Mr. Chen's inability to work and his distressed state, I personally feel that now is not a good time to have a child.

I've always been very anxious about having children, but that doesn't mean I hate it. In fact, I love children, and I understand the difficulties of being a mother. I feel my mother's deep love for me, and I believe that one cannot give birth to a child and then abandon them; that would be unacceptable. My principle is: either don't have children, or strive to provide them with the best of everything. It's said that not having children recklessly is being responsible to oneself and to the child. Since I can't provide my child with the best right now, perhaps it's better not to have one! Thinking about this, I probably won't even have the thought of going home by the end of 2023. After all, going home means being pressured by elders to have children. As a woman of marriageable age, how do you feel when your family pressures you to get married and have children? Do you ever feel like you want to resist but can't?

Every newborn child is adorable, an angel sent from heaven to every mother—I don't deny that. However, being constantly pressured by elders to have children is unpleasant. The feeling of being pressured is truly complex—tension, anxiety, worry, and sorrow all overwhelm me. Although I once looked forward to having a child with Mr. Chen, now, without any preparation, I really dare not have one. My mother said that after I give birth, she and my father could help take care of the baby, but I already owe her enough. How can I trouble her to help with the baby now? My mother's love for me is selfless, and Mr. Chen and his family are sincere towards me. The other elders on both sides are also very kind to me. How can I refuse to have a child, how can I refuse the arrival of a child, how can I deprive both sets of elders, especially my future in-laws, of the right to enjoy family life? Thinking about this, I can only sigh helplessly.

As a woman of marriageable age, have you ever been pressured to marry and have children? How did you feel about being pressured to do so? What are your feelings about being pressured to have children?

……

(over)

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